It just wasn't meant to be . . .

. . . and we are sooooo sad!

We are supposed to be in Utah right now. We are supposed to be staying with our dear friends Mike & Linds. Our kids are supposed to be having a blast playing with their kids. We are supposed to be visiting family. We are supposed to be visiting friends.

But we aren't and we are sad.

Kurt's cousin, Nicole, is getting married in the Salt Lake Temple on Wednesday and all her family from the east coast are going to be in UT, so we couldn't miss the opportunity to go see everyone since they are going to be so relatively close. But I am still sick (confirmed sinus infection) and in no condition to travel and be around other people so we have finally concluded that it just wasn't meant to be for us to go right now. So sad.

I'm starting to slightly feel better. I was going to try to go to church today, at least to teach my class, but Kurt told me I had to stay home and rest. You know how infants get that bald spot on the back of their heads from laying down so much? I think I'm starting to get one of those since I have been laying down and resting all week! Ha ha - let's hope not!

Friday night/Saturday morning was the worst. I have hardly slept all week (only in 1-2 hour chunks, then up for 2-3 hours) since my head hurt so bad - so it is safe to say that I am exhausted! Friday night I went to bed at 8pm, coughed until 10 when I finally feel asleep and then woke up at 12 am with some unpleasant side effects to the antibiotic I started taking Friday night. I was up until 4:30 am watching tv downstairs and trying to convince my stomach not to get sick. Finally at 4:30 I thought I might be able to fall asleep - the pressure had partially subsided from my head FINALLY! I laid there until 5:30 when Kurt came down. He wanted to show me a video on Youtube - sure, why not? I'm not sleeping anyways.

It was in Africa with animals. I immediately handed it back to him - "I don't want to see anything get eaten" I told him. I don't like the food chain. I understand the food chain but I don't like it and I really don't like to see it. I don't like to see animals scared, hurt, fighting, etc. That is why I live in the suburbs, not Africa. No animals run around here eating each other, not that I see anyways. "Nothing gets eaten. You have to see this. It is incredible" he tells me. Fine.

Now I do have to say that in the big picture, it was incredible, but unfortunately in my fragile emotionally exhausted state, I didn't see the big picture. It was a video of animals, I'm not sure what they were - bulls, no. buffalo, no. elk, no. I don't know but they reminded me of bull/cow type animal. Anyways, a herd of them were walking and lions attacked and got a calf. WHAT? Food chain with a baby involved! I handed it back to him, again. "No, you have to see what happens". Long story short, the herd of whatever comes back, kicks some lion tush and gets the calf back. Great! 

Except all I can see, again in the mental state that I was in, was the baby whatever get attacked by two lions, then tug of war is played with the baby between 2 lions and a crocodile, then the lions drag it back up the river bank and sit on it, then somehow the whatevers kick the lions off of it and the baby walks back into the herd. It may not have been eaten but it surely has to be severely injured and I can't see it possibly surviving its wounds. 

So what do I do? I threw the phone back a Kurt and I just fell apart. Completely, totally sobbing. I lost it! And there go the sinus - completely packed again!

The toll of the week just came flowing out of me. Now Kurt, not realizing I have been up since 12 am, was totally shocked at my reaction and didn't know what to do, poor guy.

I am pretty sure I wouldn't have liked the video if I had been healthy either. Too much pain and agony for me but it was truly amazing to see that herd group back together and come fight for the baby. Not only fight but win against lions. Incredible. 

I just don't think Kurt will be showing me any more animal videos anytime soon!