January 22, 2009

A moment of Honesty

Okay, so a moment of honesty - I have been struggling lately. Struggling with having a good attitude, struggling with having energy, struggling with focusing. For those of you who don't know, we own our own business. It is a landscaping company and Kurt has always run the crews and I have always run the office. When our kids were little, the company was small and I could do all the office work during nap time. Well, as our family grew so did our company and just before Evan was born we hired someone to run the office so I could officially be a "stay-at-home-mom". Over the last 3 years we have had someone helping me in the office but I have always had a supervisory role in the office. Well, as you can probably imagine, landscaping is not a necessity and so in this economy, business has slowed waaaaaay down. We are doing okay but we have had to cut back and that means we had to get rid of the office staff. So it is all back on me to run the company.

My struggles have come from working what is a full time job and doing it in part time hours and then going home and trying to fill my responsibilities as wife, mother, homework helper, housekeeper, cook, etc. Honestly, I am just exhausted. Working and motherhood just don't mix! Trying to stay on top of everything in the office, Kurt's schedule, kid's school activities, calling, grocery shopping, cleaning . . . it is all very overwhelming. Lately I feel like I am in a daze, cloudy headed and I am starting to forget things, which has never been a problem for me before. Poor Kayla - her birthday was on the 10th and we still have not had a birthday party for her. I am still trying to get invitations out for a party on the 31st. What is wrong with me??!! Urgh! Sigh. Deep breathe.

Okay, I know that this is a phase and it will pass. I just feel like I am being pulled in 100 different directions.

I have been trying to focus on what I am thankful for, like: I am incredibly grateful for an amazing husband who tries to help as much as he can. I am grateful for my 3 amazing children who are always wanting to do what is right. I am grateful for my parents who help me with Evan and especially my mom who is always helping with our laundry (I can't imaging trying to do all the laundry too!) I am thankful for a job that I can work around my kids school schedule (I'm only in the office while the girls are at school, hence the part time hours). I am especially thankful for the jobs that we have been able to sign lately. I am thankful for my ward family and my friends there. I am thankful for the power of prayer and for the blessings that come from being obedient. I am thankful for our home and the love that is there.

See, now I am feeling a bit better. Thanks for listening and letting me vent. I better get back to work before my boss (Kurt) catches me blogging - again! He he!


Melissa said...

I feel for you. I've been there, and am probably still there somewhat. You'd be amazed at what you can do. I've been through things that I never thought I could EVER do and have come out of it all the better and KNOWING I have more strenght than I ever thought possible. You have more than you think! You can do it and you can be happy for it! There is something to be said about bloging. Just getting it off your chest does amazing things for you. Keep going, it'll get easier and let your house get messy. If something has to give, let it be that. Good luck.

Judie and George said...

Our oldest and her husband are also self-employed. They are going through the same thing. It's one of the difficulties of our present economy. We also have people who can't find jobs they need. Cori's husband is back in school to learn something different. We have had our house for sale for two years. All of this stinks, but it is what it is, and we all make our adjustments. I hope things improve as the year wears on. One can always hope for better days, and if not, we can at least be glad for what we do have. I am starting to wonder if Damon will find a job when he gets home from his mission. And I hate it that our governor is cutting health care for poor people and that college is going to be more difficult too. There! That's my gripe to add to yours. Sorry to sound grumpy. I am really thankful for the good things, but nobody likes cutting back because it's hard. I guess we have to remember that we can do hard things.