October 15, 2012

What if your spouse was just suddenly gone?

Sorry for the sad topic today but it has been on my mind a lot lately as in the past month we have known of 3 families where this has happened. One of the spouses just suddenly past away.

The first was a friend of a friend and the couple was out on a date night and were driving home. The husband looked over at his wife and she was just sitting there with her tongue slightly hanging out of her mouth. He thought she was joking around but unfortunately she wasn't. She was gone. Aneurysm. They have 3 small children.

The second was a family member of a guy that works with Kurt at church. His nephew-in-law was a motorcycle cop that was killed while on duty. They have 2 small girls.

The third we found out about yesterday morning. A teacher at the kids school lost her husband, who had also been very active in the school. He just went to bed Friday and didn't wake up Saturday. They have 3 small kids.

All heartbreaking stories. All young couples with young families. All there and fine one minute and then gone the next. I just can't imagine.

But it could happen to any of us. Could happen to any of our family members. Nothing is certain. There are no guarantees. And while that makes me want to freak out and to group my family together and never leave the house again, I have to remember to have faith. I don't know the plan for me and my family but Heavenly Father does. He knows exactly what he is doing and I just have to have faith that if someone I know is called home way earlier than anyone on Earth thinks is right, He has a plan. He knows what He is doing. I have to trust Him, no matter what. And that makes me feel safe and secure.

I used to have a really hard time with death. I really, really struggled with it. But for some reason, my mom's passing helped me drastically with it. I don't get it but some how my mom made death ok. She made it beautiful. Those last few days with her where my dad, my brother and I grouped together and took care of her and loved her were precious. They were hard but they were precious. And everyone told me it was ok to be angry and to feel mad but I never did. I didn't feel like that once. My trust in Heavenly Father grew. I had to know that there was something bigger, that I would see her again, that this was just a temporary separation and that it was ok. And it is. It may bite because I want her here but I know that this is just a small part of life and that we will be together again. So yes, I still get sad. Yes, I still tear up when I miss her. Yes, I am battling tears right now BUT I know that in the grand scheme of things, this is just a blimp on my journey to return home to Heavenly Father.

Kurt and I have discussed many times which is harder, to lose a loved one suddenly (like he lost his mom) or to watch them suffer (like I did). We have both bounced back and forth. The conclusion we have come to: they both bite. It is no fun to lose anyone, EVER. However I think the sudden loss would be harder. Yes, I had to watch my mom lie in bed and cry because she felt so horrible and there was nothing I could do, but at least I got to be with her. I got to love her and take care of her to the best of my ability. At least I had that time to spend with her knowing her time was limited. To have them suddenly just gone seems so much harder to me now.

All of this also makes me very aware of the fact that I need to let things go and not get wrapped up in petty "life" stuff. There is something so much bigger than any of us can imagine where none of this crazy, Earthly stuff matters. I need to be a happier woman. I need to be a sillier mom. I need to just relax and enjoy the people around me. So that is my vow ~ ENJOY LIFE ~ especially my kids when they are driving me crazy =~)

So that is my thought today - enjoy your life. Enjoy those around you.

Hope some of that made sense. It was just all bottling up inside and I had to share. Other people are so good at expressing themselves so eloquently. I don't feel like I have been able to do that but this is what I was feeling.

Now, I will go enjoy my crazy, messy house as we have just returned from camping and I have up-teen million loads of laundry to do and I will enjoy them and my 1 year old "helper." And I promise, much happier posts coming like: our camping trip, Evan's bday party and the much anticipated wedding pictures from my dad's wedding!

1 comment:

jared & amber said...

Thank you for this post. Made me cry but made me want to also be a happier/ sillier person! It's good to be reminded what's important now and again.