April 21, 2011

Birthday Issues

So today is my birthday . . . and I could really care less. Isn't that bad? All week the kids and Kurt have been asking me what I want for my birthday and I honestly just don't know. Nothing.

I have been feeling blah the last few days building up to my birthday. I have never had issues with my birthday but this year I just don't know.

I think it has mostly to do with my mom not being here.

It could also have something to do with that fact that:

1) I feel fat and everything hurts. My legs, my back, my stomach, my hips. And not to mention, that I feel like I can't breathe half the time and I still have 11 long weeks til this baby is born.

2) I only have 11 short weeks before this baby is born and I have not even started thinking about getting ready. I have bought nothing. Nada, zip, zero, zilch! Luckily I have had friends dropping off baby gear but it has just been piled in the downstairs bedroom. I haven't even had the desire to go through things yet.

3) I am still trying to get caught up with missing 3 weeks of work. Plus, we took the office computers to Staples to have some clean up work done because they were really slow and, just to make life more fun, Staples computer system crashed taking my computers with it. Now I may have lost my whole accounting system. Awesome, uh?

But mostly I think it has to do with my mom. I don't get upset thinking about all those other things but as soon as I think about my mom, the tears threaten and some even spill over.

Someone called to wish me a happy birthday this morning and I didn't answer the phone. I have never done that before. I feel like a melt-down is hiding just below the surface and one "how are you doing" and I will just fall apart because apparently, today, I am not doing good. I don't know. I just wish I could sleep all day. I guess I am just having "one of those days" and it will pass.

So . . . happy birthday to me!

3 comments:

Truman Family said...

Happy Birthday! I gave up birthdays awhile ago. I wish I could come for a few days and help out so you could have a little break to just spend time with the kids.

Paul White said...

Time heals!! it may take longer then you want however slow it may seem it shall happen. this much I can say!! I hope your easter went well..

Judie and George said...

Hang in there! Time passes, and this will too. Try to appreciate each experience. I remember with Damon telling myself it was the last time, so I should savor the time. Some things are easier to enjoy than others, for sure; and it is definitely harder to be pregnant when you are a little older. Honor feels just like you do.