We got up at 3 am. Kurt had to shower with special soap, we got all our stuff together and headed to the hospital. We got checked in, he got prepped and they took him back about 7 am. Kissing him goodbye was so hard! I was able to stay strong for him until after they rolled him away. Then I might have cried.
Since I was the only one allowed to go back with him into pre-op (and it was such an early time), my dad, Karen, uncle, aunt and cousin didn't come to the hospital until a little later. Maybe between 8 and 9. It was so great to have them all with me. They all helped keep me calm, distracted and entertained. We got lunch and then headed back to the waiting room.
At 12:30 the surgeon came out and said everything went great! It was as easy as it could have been, everything went smooth and he didn't see any signs of complications. Such a relief! I just had to wait for them to get Kurt settled in the Cardiac ICU (CICU) and then I could see him. After what felt like FOREVER (really maybe 30 min), they called me back and I was able to be with him. He was still asleep and intubated.
Kurt did NOT want to be left alone at the hospital. That was a big deal to him. "Just don't leave me alone!" so I was so happy to finally be with him. They don't let family stay in the CICU but I was going to try my hardest to stay. My plan was to be as nice, respectful and out of the way as possible. Every time they came into the room, I backed up against the wall and let them have their space to do what ever they needed to do. I had a little stool in the corner that I could sit on and that's where I would retreat to.
The nurse that brought me back started explaining to me how I could call and check in on him and I very nicely said that I didn't want to leave. She explained that they don't let family stay and I very nicely explained that he didn't want to be left alone in the hospital and that I wouldn't leave - I would either be in this room or (if they kicked me out) in the waiting room. She didn't seem to like my answer very much but I was very nice and sweet about it so she didn't say too much but I'm sure was planning my boot from the room later that night.
The afternoon was spent balancing meds, checking drains and encouraging him to wake up. The nurses were in the room a lot so I spent a lot of time on my little stool in the corner. I would propped myself against the wall and try to close my eyes for a little bit. Not the best way to get rest.
He woke up and was extubated. He was in a lot of pain. We learned from our experience in 2014 that pain meds don't work so good in Kurt. It takes a lot to get the pain under control and this was no different. He just kept asking when he could have more pain meds, even if he just received some. He asked every person that walked in the room, "can you get me some pain meds?" even if it was a person from hospital admin. 😄 The nurse was giving him everything she could but he was still hurting.
I remember he could have ice chip and he loved those! I just kept feeding him more and more ice chips. His mouth was so dry from the surgery. This picture was taken about 6 pm that night.
The day proceeded and we finally got Kurt settled and comfortable about 9 pm. They turned out the lights and the plan was to let him rest after a very restless afternoon/evening. No one had kicked me out yet so I quickly went to the bathroom and then came back and curled up in my recliner to try and finally get some sleep . . . but Kurt's room was very noisy! He had drains hooked up to pumps that bubbled so it sounded like we were inside a fish tank. He asked a few times that day "what is that noise? What's bubbling?" Plus all the machines for medicines beeping, and different monitors doing stuff, etc. It was noisy.
I had a hard time falling asleep so I just laid there listening to everything. After a little while I noticed his breathing changed and I thought that he must have fallen into a deep sleep finally but as I listened to his breathing I thought "that just sounds weird" so I glanced at him. He was looking at me and then laid his head down and closed his eyes. That was weird. He had a lot of pain meds in him so I thought it might be caused by the meds. When my mom was on a lot of pain meds during her cancer treatments, she did some weird things too. I closed my eyes but his breathing just didn't sound right so I looked at him again and he was staring at me. I will never forget that face. As I mentioned, he was heavily medicated so he looked drugged but his eyes looked like he was screaming for help. I knew instantly that something was wrong. I literally jumped out of my chair and started asking him "Hon, can you hear me?" "Kurt can you say something?" "Kurt, are you okay?" He couldn't respond at all. Nothing. Just laid there staring and doing this moaning breathing thing.
Nurse A heard me kind-of yelling at him and came running in. Nurse B came running in. I remember backing up against the wall because they were on each side of his bed trying to talk to him and figure out what was happening.
Shock is a funny thing. Time moves weird. You remember things weird. I remember asking nurse A if Kurt was having a stroke. She said they weren't sure yet.
Since Kurt had had a lot of pain meds, they thought it could have been caused by too much meds so they gave him a medicine that would cancel all pain meds instantly. They injected it into his IV and you could see the second that it canceled those pain meds. While he couldn't respond verbally or physically himself, his body reacted to all the pain he suddenly felt. That was so hard to see. When he didn't improve after that, they called a stroke alert.
He was able to move his left arm and leg when they asked him to move them but nothing with the right side.
I called my dad at 10 pm and told him that I thought Kurt was having a stroke and asked him to come back to the hospital to be with me. I also called Kurt's sister, April, to let her know what was happening. She said they would come to the hospital too (they lived an hour away so it would take them longer to get there).
I remember sitting on the edge of my recliner in shock. Nurse A brought me a warm blanket to hold and another to wrap around my shoulders. She got down eye level with me and was so kind. I think she said something like "we got him. He is in the best place to take care of this." And I think she also explained shock to me and what I was experiencing and the what would happen with Kurt. I don't remember this too well.
I sat in my chair and just watched everything. There is a system of steps that happen when a stroke alert is called and I just watch in stunned silence. People came in and out of the room. Asking Kurt to do things. Assessing him. Then more people. And more people.
My dad and Karen arrived and sat with me. The nurses took Kurt for a CT scan about midnight. We went and sat in the waiting room. April, Rick and Makana showed up a little after they took Kurt down. They just missed seeing him. The nurse said it would be 20-30 minutes. 12:30 came, no report. 12:40 came, no report. At 12:45 I called the nurses desk to ask what was going on. They had just received the report and yes, it was a stroke and they needed me down in CT to sign some papers. We were all escorted down to CT.
They brought us in an empty waiting room and said everyone could wait there and they took me back. I was so anxious to see Kurt again. We could see his bed down the hall and I wanted to run to him but the security guard said he had to talk to the nurses first. They said yes, I could come see him. He was still in the same condition, breathing weird and not responding. I asked if his family could come see him and they said yes. It was a very tearful event. We all told him we love him and that he was going to be okay. He had just hit a little speed bump, that's all. (What a speed bump!)
They took us back to the waiting room. A neuro-surgeon came out and explained that what Kurt needed was the drug to bust up the blood clot that was in his brain but he couldn't have it because he just had major open heart surgery. Giving him medicine to bust clots and thin blood would be very bad for his recovery from the heart surgery. He said that Kurt's best chance was for them to go in through his groin and all the way up into his brain and TRY to remove the clot. He explained all the risks (which were a lot) and asked me to sign the papers. I remember looking to April and asking "what do I do?" I felt like I was signing a paper that would cause more damage to Kurt. I signed it, the doctor walked away and I lost it. I remember just sobbing. We all sat there in shock. Like, this isn't happening. This can NOT be happening.
At 1 am, just 12.5 hours after he was rolled out of one operating room, he was rolled back into another one. It was the longest 2 hours ever. We just all sat in this cold, empty waiting room. I curled up on a couch-like-bench thing and tried to sleep but I couldn't. The hospital staff brought us some waters and sodas. I tried to sip a 7 Up but I didn't get very much in me.
At 3 am the doctor came out and said they were able to remove the clot, that Kurt was heavily sedated and that he would be moved back into his room in the CICU.
Since I had been awake for 24 hours straight, it was decided that April and Rick would stay with Kurt so he wasn't alone, that I would go home and get some rest and my dad and Karen would follow me home (to make sure I made it okay). I waited for them to bring Kurt so I could see him before I left. He was out cold and would be for awhile so I gave him a kiss and went home.
We left the hospital at 3:30 am and I got home at 4 am and crawled into bed to try to sleep. I got 1 hour of sleep before I was up and going again.
